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This is probably one of the hardest blog posts that I’m ever going to write. One thing I hate about blogging is that you’re putting yourself on internet and everyone who looks you up on the internet will suddenly know everything about you. But this particular topic I think is SO IMPORTANT, no matter how much I put myself on the internet, I think this is one of those topics that isn’t talked about enough. People REALLY need to be aware of mental health difficulties, for themselves and for the people around them. There’s nothing more hurtful that realising that someone close to you has been suffering and you didn’t even know about it. In this blog post I’m going to share my personal experience of what I’ve been through and what I am going through. In the hope that no one else will have to suffer the same way and to give you the signs of someone who may be suffering. To clarify, this blog post in not written to make you feel sorry for me, I wanted write this blog post to show you that people around us are suffering and we should know the signs of it so we can help them.

If you’re here to laugh at this post or to tell me that I’m lying and just trying to get attention then this blog isn’t for you. What I’m sharing with you is something very is very personal and if you aren’t going to respect that then please leave this site and find a blog that doesn’t get quite as deep and serious. 

My Reality- Fighting Depression

Of course, my close friends and family know what I’m going through so this is no surprise for them. So in a nutshell, I suffer from a form of depression, anxiety. What I’m going through results in mental breakdowns and waves of suicidal thought. So yes, that’s the scary part. It’s hard to say when exactly the depression started or what caused it to come out, but all I can say is that things started to get serious when I left home and went to uni. You’re probably thinking that it’s the usual, “homesickness and leaving home,” kinda syndrome; but with me that isn’t the case. As a child, you can say that I went through a fairly, “traumatic” family situation, with one thing happening after another, it was all too much for my younger self to deal with. But the trauma has only come through now that I’m much older, the sadness was bottled up inside of me for so long that when it did come out, it came out with a bang. As I said earlier, it all started when I went to uni and when I left home once and for all, now don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and I’m not the type to run from home. But there was something about moving home that triggered something inside my little brain and sent it off on a little downward spiral.

It’s very hard to pinpoint when the breakdowns happen or why they happen. But a pattern started to occur, and that is that the downward spiral would always start when I’m on my own or working and on my own. So as you can see, being alone is never good thing for me as it leaves the mind to wonder off into darker and deeper places. The breakdowns can come in many different shapes and sizes, sometimes it’s just a cry and other times it’s a full of panic attack and feeling the need to “end everything.” It can get so bad sometimes that I get a feeling that I need to “hurt myself” to help ease the pain and “release the internalised pressure” that seems to build up over time. It’s almost like every breakdown is the result of bottling up all the small things that somehow upset me… then when it got all too much it would be released in an explosion of emotion. Other times it can just feel like an existential crisis where I just don’t know what I’m doing with my life/should be doing what I want to be doing in the future.  It’s strange though because yes it’s so horrible to go through, but most of the time when it all passes sometimes I don’t even remember what happens or what caused it. Yes, it sounds weird, but it must be a way that the body helps forget the traumatic things that happen, a way to protect the mind from reality?

The Way Out

As you can imagine, fighting something like this is never going to be easy and there are days where I wonder if I’ll ever get better and there are other days where I’m over the moon with my progress. For me, I realised that I have to have a close group of friends and family around me. I need that support network to help me get through the hard times. I realised that whenever I have a breakdown it’s usually because I feel so alone or am alone, so having a close support network is a really good way to bring myself out of a crisis situation. Having friends and family is a great way just to talk to things out and to have a shoulder to lean on. In hard times, that’s all I need, I need people around me to help me remember that life is worth living for; they are worth living for and worth being happy for. What would we be without friends and family? They are the most important people in our lives, if they leave us, there’s nothing we can do but to soldier on with life and move onto the next chapter.

You’re probably wondering why isn’t she having therapy and not such getting support from her friends and family? Well, yes of course I’m having therapy! It’s the kind of therapy that works on the things that happened in the past and to help understand why I feel the way I do. I don’t really know what to say about my therapy apart from the fact that I am getting help. I guess all I can say is that if you are suffering with something similar to me or just anything that is bugging you… please please do find help! There’s nothing embarrassing about getting help from someone. I think the biggest problem that young adults in the UK face is that people are too scared to get help because they’re worried of what their family and friends would say. Some people also don’t think that they need help, but in reality, I always think that there is something that bugs us and there’s no harm in talking to a professional to try and clear the air a little. Also, no one will ever laugh or blink and eye lash about it! So please don’t wait any longer to get help because I promise, it will help you come out of that dark patch that you may be going through.

So About The Outfit…

On a lighter note, I thought it would be a nice idea to talk about the outfit a little since it’s quite a different one! My blouse is a cheeky Fiji purchased which I got on my recent trip out there, it’s a beautiful shiny silk material. It’s very hard to describe, but it’s such a special piece! It’s almost iridescent in the light, which I LOVE! Who doesn’t like a bit of shine and sparkle ? 😉 Since the blouse is a bit more formal, I decided to dress it down with this funky patchwork denim skirt. It’s an old one but a fav of mine, it’s always good to have a classic denim skirt in your wardrobe 😀  I do love the gingham patchwork hem, it just adds something different to your classic denim skirt and just looks so good in any sort of outfit 😉 . For shoes, I picked up these STUNNING botties from Dr Martens in the sale, yesss you’re probably thinking that they’re really expensive, but they were £55 in the sale which I thought wasn’t too bad since they will last FOREVER! I mean, Dr Martens are such good quality so I know that they will last a little while 😀 . I really liked the fringing and the contrasting black and white theme going, I thought it was really different to anything I’ve seen before so I just couldn’t help and grab a pair for myself ! I was always curious about the “crochet” / netted bag thread that was going round at the moment, so I was lucky enough to find a seller on eBay who would make the bag just like I wanted ! So, I decided to go for the multi-colour look because let’s face it… I couldn’t resist 😉 I asked to have bamboo handles because I wanted that vintage Gucci-esque look which I thought would look so fun and different… and I mean… if you have something made for you, you want it to look unique right? 😉

What do you think of this blog post? I’m interested to hear what you think about these kind of blog posts, do you enjoy them and want to me write more like this? Or do you like me to do more fashion based blog posts ? Pleaseeee let me know 😉 Well.. either way, I do hope that you liked this blog post and found it interesting… it’s hard to talk about but I feel like it’s something that people shouldn’t be embarrassed about and if you’re out suffering… It’s time to tell someone and to get help! Don’t suffer in silence, it’s not worth it, there’s so much more to life than you think! I promise <3

Stay strong, Izzy xxx

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