I NEVER thought that I would write about any of the relationships I’ve had on this blog. I’m nearly 21 years old, so what do I know about relationships? I didn’t want to share anything about relationships because, 1) I wanted to keep it a large part of my life private from blogging 2) I respect the people I have been with and since they’re not big on social media I want to respect that (hence why no names etc have been mentioned.) But I wanted to write one blog post about relationships, I’ve learnt so much about myself and what I deserve from a relationship and what EVERYONE should deserve in a relationship and I wanted to share that. Having learned from my mistakes, I want to share the things you should look out for and remember when embarking on any sort of relationship. Relationships are scary, hard work and can feel like an uphill struggle; but they’re worth it and they’re worth fighting for. Just to say, I’m no relationship guru but i’ve been through a lot and I know the heart ache, the anger and the pain but also the love, the good times and the memories that you can get from a relationship.
Firstly, if you think relationships are meant to be easy then you’re wrong, everyone has wobbles, hick-ups and mountains within their relationships. That’s normal!! People argue, people fight, people disagree and there are going to be problems you come across, if people don’t argue that isn’t normal! Disagreeing on something and finding a problem in a relationship doesn’t mean that you should give up. Arguing, as weird as it seems is a form of communication between you and your partner. An argument often arises when someone has been bottling up how they feel and they don’t know how to express their feelings. When this happens, it’s usually a feeling that has blown out of proportion and is actually no longer what they were originally feeling. It’s like the feeling has been warped and covered up over time that it no longer has its true meaning. Arguing also always you to verbally express a feeling rather than acting it out. I know that I can be passive agressive which is MUCH worse than just being up front and tell the person how I actually feel. The big thing about having these sorts of discussions is that they can help both you and your partner figure out what the real problem is. Sometimes, a feeling can be so overwhelming and intrusive that it can stop you feeling the love and affection towards your partner. That doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it simply means that there is something in the way of that feeling and it is stopping you from fully loving your other half. Don’t be scared by this, if you feel this way YOU MUST convey this to your partner, because bottling it up will make you feel worse down the line.
Never give up. If you’re the person who’s feelings of love and affection towards your partner is masked by a bigger “badder” feelings then don’t be scared by this and don’t give up. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore. It means that there is something that needs to be worked on, if you don’t work on this now it will affect your later relationships with other people. Being with someone is like an exam at uni, you have to work on it, you have to revise, you have to problem solve and you have to get help when you need it like you would from a lecturer etc. Don’t give up!!!!!! You wouldn’t give up on revision when it gets hard, so why give up on a relationship? If you gave up on every relationship will you ever be able to fully sustain one?! NO god NO! I’ve checked this through with my therapist and we both agreed that ANY problem can be worked through and talked about. A “normal” breakup usually occurs when both parties feel it fizzling out and the lack of feelings become apparent over a long period of time. A “not normal” relationship ending is when it’s abrupt, or you have an argument and you end it. This is in my opinion the sign of someone giving up and DON’T EVER GIVE UP!!! Relationships are so beautiful and wonderful so don’t give up just because you may feel overwhelmed.
REMEMBER YOUR WORTH! I have made this mistake so many times… and I’m actually kinda annoyed at myself for it lol. If you feel you aren’t being treated right then you’re probably not, so go with your gut and talk about it with your other half. There’s often a reason for people behaving in a certain way so talk about it. As both of you in the relationship deserve some clarity. Just remember you are worth so much. If someone isn’t treating you right don’t blame yourself, there will be someone out there who is worthy of your love and who will prove it day in and day out. If they want you and they love you god damn it, MAKE THEM PROVE IT!
The makeup and breakup story, “cycling”, all the jazz we hear about that we are told is bad…Should you make up and breakup with your other half, are on and off relationships more than once a good or bad idea?! The truth is, you don’t know and they don’t know. No one knows, they can work but they can also crash. There’s a crazy statistic which I found from a psychology paper that 60% of couples who break up get back together and two thirds of those couples have broken up and got back together twice over and have ended up in successful relationships. I myself know couples who have broken up twice and got back together and are now happy together and have figured out how to work through the problems. But then there is the other side of the coin, those cycling type relationships can de-value the relationship, and make the people in the relationship feel de-valued. You don’t want to feel like you’re being used or going to be messed around again and again. I know I wouldn’t lol… You’re not their doormat! You’re better than that! But if you find yourself in this positive, It is hard to say what to do. All I can say is that if it’s meant to be it will be, if the person wants you back, make them fight for it and make sure that you’re going to work on all the things you say you will. I would say THE ABSOLUTE limit of relationship cycling is two times, sometimes things take more time to be sorted than you expected. Anymore than two I would dare say it would just make you feel used and used again and you don’t deserved to be de-valued and YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!!!
Those cyclising relationships can be due to three things (I think?!) , either a lack of maturity from one or both sides, something bigger like mental health, or they’re just a dickhead lol. If they’re a dickhead then you know it’s time to tap out and don’t take any of that s***! You know you can do better and you know that there is someone out there for you who won’t mess you around. If it’s the other two then that’s difficult, especially if it’s a mixture of both! If i’m honest, I have no idea what to say if you’re cycling with someone who is either not mature enough for you or is struggling mentally. All I can say is that, if it’s meant to be it will be. Maybe it’s meant to happen in a matter of months, or even a matter of years. Or maybe they’re just not the one?! But in the mean time, just try your best to work on yourself and let yourself grow. I know it’s so hard not to get caught up over the person you love, but maybe now just isn’t the right time and things happen for a reason. As I said earlier, maybe it’s meant to be in years, or maybe you’re meant to find someone better for you!
Just don’t ever let someone “ruin” your life, you’re better and stronger than that. So go slay!!
For all of your suffering with heart break whether you’re person who got broken up with or the other way round. It will get better, and you’re going to get stronger I promise! If it’s meant to be it will be! In the meantime, work on yourself, stay sassy and listen to some Queen Bee!